Disclaimer : I am 5 feet nothing, with a body weight in kilograms that can be calculated as follows : 50 - 10 x 1 ÷ 2 .
1. Buying clothes is basically a process of picking up something you like, admiring it for a moment, then scoffing at the thought of it ever being made in your size, placing it back, and walking to the young adult section.
2. In the aforementioned young adult section, you pick up a shirt meant for 14 - 16 year olds, see that it's about 2 sizes bigger than you are, and rage "Which 16 year old did they measure this against?!"
3. Finding formal clothes that fit you, and that don't make you look like you borrowed your dad's clothes to dress as him for Halloween, is a harrowing experience.
4. No pants have ever made in your length. Ever. By the time you're done altering them, the leftover cloth could be used to make several handkerchiefs.
5. Speaking of length, other people your age's knee length skirts are your wraparound long matron skirts.
6. I, am XS. Your clothes, are NOT.
7. Real conversations I've had in the last 2 years :
Scene 1 : An airport
Characters : Sweet lady at the check in counter (SLATCIC), Me (Me)
SLATCIC (sweetly): Hello! Passport, please.
Me : Hello. (Hands over passport)
SLATCIC (sweetly) : Flying all alone?
Me : Yup
SLATCIC (sweetly) : How old are you?
Me (sweetly) : I'm 24
SLATCIC (traumatised) : Oh god ma'am, I am so sorry. I though you were 14...
Scene 2 : Backstage of a church play
Charactes : Random Man (RM), Me (Me)
RM : Hi, I just saw this girl in a nun's get up, is she for real?
Me : Haha, no, she's a 9th grader in XYZ School. It's just a costume.
RM (sweetly) : Oh really good job then. Are you also in the same school?
Me (sweetly) : Sure, but I'm 26 years old and a teacher there...
RM (traumatised) : Oh god ma'am, I am so sorry. I though you were 14...
8. Here's how we buy shoes : See pair we absolutely love, try them on and discover they look just as fabulous as hoped, ask for size 3.5, walk out crying.
While the store clerks try vainly to contain their disdain for an adult with size 3.5 feet.
9. "Why hasn't your parent signed your passport renewal form?"
Probably because I'm 22...
10. And finally, the real reason you encourage students to stay seated and raise their hands, so that you can walk over and clear their doubts, rather than have them walk up to you is, you're so little, the fact that kids 10 years younger than you have to bend over to talk to you gets very old, very fast.
Like so. I feel you, Phillip Lahm.
Midget,Chicken Little,Super Short Sherin, Little Hitler, Lilliput with eternal youth out.
Until next crime.
