You remember now...

Fault your created majesty

you were but a house of cards.

You forgot.

Undone by a whisper of breath

you crumble into nothing.

You remember.

Why?

I never meant to hate you.

I still wouldn't either,

if only you hadn't so easily 

let me.

Murphy's Laws for the College Student

1. No matter what mode of transport you choose to get home, there will inevitably be at least one baby that screams the entire time that you are inside the train/bus/plane.

2. When you are seconds away from sending in your assignment that is due in 7 minutes, the internet will crash. And in the time it takes you to get back online, you will be a minute late to send it in.

3. If you decide to finally make it to that 9 am class, you will get there at 8.58 and find out at 9.23 that class is not happening.

4. The most number of birthdays will fall in the month that you are most broke.

5. When you change an answer on a hunch, your first answer would have been the right one.

6. All the movies you want to watch will release the very day your exam/test/submission week starts.

7. If you make a plan months in advance to take a trip, and have everything including your tickets and hotel reservations booked, a mandatory seminar will be scheduled for the weekend you were going to leave.

8. When you are desperately studying at 3 in the morning, and it is vital that you stay awake, you will find that you are out of coffee powder, and so is your room mate.

9. When you skip lunch, and are starving, dinner will be something you can't stand.

10. There will always be one signature you forgot to get.

Don't Go

He couldn't believe it. She was going. Sure, some part of him had always known it was coming, known it was a  mere matter of that bastard phantom that went by the name of time. Still. One doesn't expect it to be so final, so...unceremonious. Tomorrow morning, she would go. That was it. Nothing else remarkable about tomorrow, it wasn't special in any way. Just another number on a calendar page. But it would also forever be special, dismayingly so. It shouldn't be this simple, he kept repeating. One day just like any other? Shouldn't there at least be warnings, bells, a god damn symphony of alarms?

Five years. Five years they'd spent almost every waking moment together. Watching TV, always the shows she wanted. Watching her sleep. Being there when she woke up. Walks in the park. Ice cream. Parking a block away and then walking slowly to the parlour, her delicate feet somehow keeping perfect time next to his large ones. No, not somehow. Because they belonged there.

Because from the time he'd known her, from the first time he'd taken her hand in his, he knew she was meant to keep time and pace with him. Knew that it didn't matter how fast he went or who set the pace, they would always be in step with each other, hand in hand. Just like he and only he, knew that her tell tale sign that she needed a hug was when she bit her lower lip or that when she was really scared, she tugged on her left ear, and so much more.  And now? Now there would be other feet walking next to hers. How would they know what pace to walk at so she could keep up?

How was she able to go so easily? Excitedly even, the possibilities of a new, unknown world filled her with wonder and joy, and barely contained anticipation. She only held back a little in his presence. But it was no use, he knew her far too well. And the fact that she had to pretend made it worse. For there was no pretence in his pain. And knowing that she didn't feel any of it, that was what hurt the most.

Morning. He was silent, as he drove her to where she would say goodbye. She attempted some chatter, but quickly gave up when she saw that he wasn't going to humour her. Not today. They're there, far too soon. All at once he wishes he had said more in the car. They get out, and for a second, he stoops so that his face is level with hers. He stares into those eyes, mystery eyes, he called them, for they could be black or dark brown, seemingly at will. Just one more of the many wonderful things about her that would no longer be solely his to marvel at. He looks at her and in spite of himself, he blurts out, "Don't go! I'll miss you so much!" She laughs at his silliness, as she has laughed all these days. And then, she turns and is gone.

And as he watches his little girl walk into the school gates for the first time in her life, he knows that nothing would ever be the same again.

You

In the dark

why must you insist

on being the last thought in my mind

when I get by just fine without you

in the light?

Tell Me

I stand here holding the life you left behind

I wish you'd just tell me that you've let it go

For then maybe I could 

too

Blood

Blood

how do you run so deep

when you are so easily erased 

with a little water?

Behind the Curtain

A world of make believe

Of miracles and suspense

Of sorrow and beauty

Of wonder and cruelty

Of heroes and myths

Where time can pause or leap at will

Where one man's speech brings an empire to its knees

Where devious ploys are revealed and shattered

Where prince becomes pauper in the blink of an eye

When beauty mesmerizes and has its way

When legends are revealed for all to see 

When tales are weaved with grace and skill

When dreams are sold at prices untold

A world untouched by fear

A world where pain is a myth

A world where loss is only until curtain call

And a world where only applause can break the spell

A world I love.

Joke's on Me

I always thought you'd be the one, the one to see right through me

I guess I hoped a little too much, or maybe it was just my plea

I lived in fears and fury untold, I played out acts and scenes on cue

I rolled the dice and moved my piece, all the while I waited for my due

Of all the pain and ridicule, of all the waiting and dreaming

for all the laughing and feeling, I was just part of your scheming

Joke's on me, Joke's on me...

I coulda changed things around, make no mistake I know it still

I shoulda just told you outright, and maybe you woulda just flushed that pill

You drew me in and kept me there, mesmerized by the glory of your lie

You kept me just close enough, knowing that I was too blind to care

Joke's on me, joke's on me...

You played this out from the start, every move, every part

You made me play along, and I did so, for you made it into art

And in that lovely symphony of ours, you never let me see you were wailing

All I saw was beauty and joy, how would I know that trapped, you were ailing

I didn't know it was a game, I gave it my all, my heart, my soul

I didn't know you had an end in mind, I didn't know you were heading for a fall

Joke's on me, joke's on me...

I laugh now, yes I can laugh about it now, about the strings you pulled with such skill

You dragged me in and left me as retribution, I should hate you and that pill

But tell me now, for once, for ever 

You who thought you were so clever

You made one slip, one little error 

 For how, how will I be the damned 

When The Joke's On me?           

For you. And me. And us. and we.

You

Look at me.

No, not through.

At.

Just this once

Observe me. Absorb me. Define me.

What do you see?

Brows arched in mockery

Cold, shrewd gaze.

And lips bent into a sneer.

Now just once, look.

Just look.

Do you see the eyes are blank

only becuase I'm afraid you'll read them?

Do you see that I sneer

only because if I smile, you may not return it?

Of course not. 

No, don't lie to yourself.

Or to me.

How many acts have you left?

How many hopes have you shattered?

How many dreams have you torn asunder?

How many times have you left me battered?

You could see it all. 

You just won't look.

And that's fine.

I like this dance.

I'm sneering right now.

I'll hold my own

Would you like to take your bow?

I'll hold my sneer

My gaze will shred

And I'll stay so

Until I lose my dread

You need the act

I understand.

I'll pay for your cowardice

And hold this till the last stand

Me

No one's that good an actor

Atleast that's what they say

Someone should tell them about you

And the dreams you've made me slay

Your mask never slips

Your grease paint never fades

Sinuous, perfect, it becomes you

Or is that just another shade?

In vain hope I play myself

All masks are off, and I am me

And you, with the vengeful eyes

You leave me damned for eternity

How many acts have you left?

How many hopes have you shattered?

How many dreams have you torn asunder?

How many times have you left me battered?

I know your game now

It's taken me far too long

But I've finally learned to play

And am ready for my swansong

You and Me

Locked in this together, we spin an elaborate web

Tremulous, all consuming, innumerable threads

All it takes is one tiny shard

To rip the whole thing to shreds

One question remains, as it almost always will

To what do we owe this madness?

One step too many? One dance too few?

To ponder more would be a great sadness

How many acts have we left?

How many hopes have we shattered?

How many dreams have we torn asunder?

How many times have we been left battered?

Rip! Tear! Shred! 

Destroy the web and watch it unravel

Ah! An answer in the final tearing strands

Some things are beauty untold and joy forbidden

Mere mortals!

We should simply never have been so bold.

Never tell a child

Never tell a child he's special.
Because one day someone will tell him "you're all the same to me", and break his heart.

Never tell a child he's the best.

Because one day someone will tell him "he won because he was better than you," and break his heart.

Never tell a child he's gifted.

Because one day someone will tell him "we are sorry to reject you, but you're just not gifted enough," and break his heart.

Never tell a child he's the smartest little boy you know.

Because one day someone will tell him "I'm sorry, but he's smarter than you, because he got there first," and break his heart.

Never tell a child he's oh so beautiful.

Because one day someone will walk right past him and break his heart.

Never tell a child that anything is possible.

Because one day someone will tell him "astronaut? Don't be ridiculous, pick something more plausible," and break his heart. 

Never tell a child that no one can stop him from doing what he wants to.

Because one day someone'll send him an envelope saying "rejected," and it will break his heart.

Never tell a child that he's meant to do great things. 

Because one day someone'll ask him "what makes you think you can change anything?" and it will break his heart.

Never tell a beautiful, talented, special child what he is.

Because he believes you.

Masquerade

I know what I said.
Please.
I'm good with words
I choose them wisely
consciously, precisely


I watched your face
Watching mine for cues
Your lips
wondering which way to curl
Your eyes
Beautiful, by the way
not that I'll ever tell you that
Looking into mine
to decide
to spark or spill


I decide.


My eyes
prettier than yours, hah
lead you on
I sneer.
Openly
You think it part of the play


We play out the masquerade
timed, planned, scripted
No missteps, glorious motions
You, always one step behind
You, always a second too slow
The dub to my lub
The pocus to my hocus
The blink to my wink


People think it perfect
So well do they go together
these long ago written pairs
I whisper silent gratitude


And you
you think it right
Why would you not?


Someday you'll know
that was part of the script too
I wrote out your lines even before mine
the actor in this was me, not you


Only, I burned your words
and let you follow mine