If anyone actually reads this blog, you'll know that I love Hollywood. Although I gave up on movies in my native language about a decade ago, I would still watch the occasional Hindi flick. It had been awhile though, so I decided to stop being a snob and go and get some bearable entertainment last night, in the form of Dhoom 3. I'm so glad I did, or I would have missed out on the following aspects of cinema that I was so blissfully ignorant about. Brace yourself.
1. Abhishek Bachchan can fly.
2. Autorickshaws in India are manufactured by Hummer. Or quite possibly, CAT Machineries.
3. There is not a single Hindi literate person in the city of Chicago.
4. When the Chicago police force therefore requires Hindi literate cops to be flown in, India will send its most lecherous, irritating, moronic and non English speaking cop.
5. The scriptwriter of Dhoom 3 is a big fan of the movie 'The Prestige.'
6. Abhishek Bachchan is the only cop in the world capable of shooting a moving target.
7. BMW is terrifying. They manufacture motorbikes which turn into submergence capable motorboats which can shoot out of the water with the velocity of a rocket while morphing back into a motorbike.
8. You may have missed the most gripping dialogue of the year, so here it is for you :
Bank Owner/Bad Guy : "What do you know about this guy who's robbing me?"
Police Chief : "Sir, all we know is that he's a thief."
9. If you see an advertisement holding auditions for "an Indian goddess who sings and dances like liquid electricity," it just means "striptease."
10. Abhishek Bachchan is fireproof.
11. A visibly autistic person who lacks the motor coordination necessary to tie his own shoelaces will be able to ride a bike with skill that would put Evel Knievel to shame.
12. When a perfect stranger approaches you,an experienced and distinguished cop, with "information" about a possible suspect, you immediately give him instant access to all available blueprints, vaults, security systems, and even, the security codes of the bank that is supposed to be the thief's next target. Without so much as a background check.
13. You never see an actual heist. You just see the robber running out of the bank with bank notes falling like rain around him. Because I'm pretty sure the scriptwriter himself has no idea how the actual robberies take place.
14. Even if you have a gun, you must tie your cop-enemy to the tracks of a roller coaster, (how? Don't you have to put down the gun to do it?), then activate the roller coaster by remote control (how?! There is no universal roller coaster starting remote control), then walk away in the upbeat optimism that he will definitely die.
15. And finally, you only ever surround criminals in places where they have convenient suicide options. Seriously, Mr. Jai Dixit, have you ever actually caught anyone?
Dhoom, ladies and gentlemen.
